Day Twelve

It’s not working 🙁  I’m not eating any less, in fact, the stress of this house build is making me eat more.  I’m still listening faithfully every night.  Twice last night in fact, as I couldn’t get to sleep and Trevor’s voice is soothing, as is that bit of music at either end.

My own mind derails things though.  It over analyses the structure of the podcast.  It desconstructs the sentences, wanting to move the pauses and spaces, swap what it perceives as commas and full stops around.  There’s a part where he says “Your/You’re losing weight” and it drives my  mind mad as neither sentence really makes sense where it falls in the spiel and so I miss the next minute or so trying to make it fit logically.  There are pauses in odd places, which I understand are all part of the wordweaving thing and I guess for the majority of folks who try it, it works fine, but for my OCD, proof reading, English grammar obsessed self, it’s not working.

I’m starting to wonder if I’ve chosen the right Slimpod too.  I chose Drop a Jeans size, because I live in jeans and it seemed the sensible option.  Upon reflection though, it’s not jeans I want to get into.  I want to abandon the size 14 Coast dress that’s on the outside of my wardrobe and get into the size 10 ballgown that’s hidden away on the inside.  Drop Two Dress Sizes would have been a far more practical choice.  I’m not in the position of being able to spend another £30 on a whim at the moment though.

I understand the whole cognitive hypnotherapy premise.  I understand how it’s supposed to work, and have seen lots of positive reviews of it.  It’s just my mind doesn’t respond well to hypnosis.  I did a Self Hypnosis class when pg with my third girl, and exasperated the poor chap who was taking it.  I was the only member of the class who, instead of accepting what he said and doing it, questioned each and every command.  You want me to walk down some steps into a garden?  Sure.  How many steps?  Are they wooden or stone?  Is there a handrail?  This garden, is it a vegetable garden or a grassy one?  What pond?  A mill pond, a koi pond, a bullrush home for frogs?  He admitted at the end that he’d only had one other person who questioned everything in the same way I did, and that man had been a former SAS soldier!  Doesn’t say much for my state of mind, does it?

So, conclusion?  I’m not quitting, as that’s not my style.  I will continue to listen.  I will resist the urge to audiotype the whole podcast out and go through it with a red pen correcting the dodgy punctuation.  And I will keep my fingers crossed that something, somewhere, starts to work as well for me as it has for so many other people, because I’ve got twenty pounds I need to shift and so far, ordinary diets just haven’t made the grade.

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